5 Star JIZZ

Last weekend . . . I jizzed here:


Here . . .


And most definitely HERE:

JJ's new jizz kitten!

JJ's life is now complete with his very own jizz kitten! Look how cute he is!! Now I need to pick a few out and take them home too!

Cranford

I am a sucker for movies and books depicting British village life with little gossipy old ladies. It is no secret that I am well on my way to being a gossipy old lady, but alas without a British accent. Cranford is a mini-series that just aired on Masterpiece. Watch it and laugh, cry & jizz with adorable old ladies, as well as the extremely jizz-worthy red-headed Dr. Harrison. You may recognize the actor from the Keira Knightley Pride and Prejudice in which he played the sweet, simple purveyor of jizz, Mr. Bingley.

North Carolina Bears

Memorial Day weekend had everyone out grilling in the backyard, and the bears were hungry! The local news affiliate had a hard-hitting news story on the bears with their visit to Wal-Mart and the home of a ponytailed man. Thanks to the nice sheriff, Ricky, we know that the bears were hungry and that you shouldn't mess with them, but that it's probably ok to let your kids out on their scooters.

Throw an extra jizz-kabob on the grill for our furry friends!

Vampire Jizz Hotness!

Based on a YA book written by Stephanie Meyer, Twilight the movie is gonna be awesome!! This teaser trailer has me jizzing uncontrollably in anticipation! The new book comes out in August. Yay!

The Office Quotes page!

Try to work while this is in existence. Seriously.

My current favorite:
Kelly: Oh my God, Darryl. You look like Barack Obama. Everybody I'm dating Barack Obama.

Fiberful Jizz

sometimes when your body gets off schedule, you need a little granola to help get the poop out.

Iron Jizz + This American Jizz

A weekend of such jizz-splosions over my two new celebrity "boyfriends": Ira Glass & Robert Downey, Jr. Although, technically I have been in love with Robert Downey Jr since I was 12! See Iron Man and the new season of This American Life on Showtime. How I love nerds!

Fruit Bats!

This interview is a little long and a little awkward, but there is live footage of Jizz Blog fave, Eric Johnson aka Fruit Bats. O Eric, we jizz at you 4-eva!

sewing machine love/jizz

Just picked this sucker up for way more money than my mother would ever approve of me spending but sooooo excited! i am currently taking requests for garments and donations of Liberty fabrics.

You Can Call Me Jizz

My two great loves, Graceland and Jens Lekman, have come together to form a perfect union:

Jens Lekman - You Can Call Me Al

Tippy Tap Club debuts on YouTube!

2 pregnant ladies, 5:25 minute song and John Travolta!

Owl Jizz!

Thanks to Alicia for a jolt of incredible baby owl jizz! Go here for the live video feed!

NKOT-Jizz Reunion!

My very first concert, my very first celebrity "boyfriend," and my very first giant lace-edged button. Joey was my first love, and you never forget your first love even when he is super-cheesy and way too old for this stuff. I don't know about you, but I'm setting my dvr for the big reunion and I really hope they play Cover Girl! See awesome video below and try not to jizz!

Cupid Jizz!

Heading to Carolina Beach for my bachelorette party this weekend, and I suspect we will be doing lots of Cupid Shuffling! Cupid is from Lafayette, LA! Everything good DOES come from South Louisiana - just as I suspected! To the left, to the left, to the left to the left - altogether now JIZZ!

Jizz in the afternoon: Sam's Choice "Cajun" Trail Mix

Yummy for my tummy afternoon snack to go with my 3pm Diet coke. Could be worth a trip to Wal-Mart, but luckily, Jack went for us! In the words of Justin Wilson, I guarantee you will jizz when you eat this spicy, sweet, yumminess!

Texas-Sized Jizz, Texas-Sized CANKLES!

Pukey B's jizzworthy SXSW moments, in no particular order:
-growing cankles the size of Texas
-reuniting with Noodle D!!
-bro'ing out with an un-named Pitchfork writer and talking about Catbirdseat
-the Blogger Cage at Stereogum party
-Jens remembering me. Finally seeing Jens play
-"getting to know the Swedish" with Shout Out Louds. CRYBABY = LIPSILL.
-Ross & JJ - the story of true manlove.

The Cute Show

Hurry over to VBS TV and jizz over the unbearable cuteness of The Cute Show! Kittens, cat shows, hamsters, tiny goats - everything you need to forget the dreariness of everyday life.

Double Jizz Friday: Tiny Food!

These bacon cups from Not Martha make my mouth water! Can you imagine putting a sunny-side-up egg in one of these bacon cups? holy breakfast jizz, batman! BACON CUPS!



Seriously, what is more fun than saying "Hey, do you want a tiny banana?" I
can tell you - Nothing! Dip that baby banana in chocolate for the
oh-so-elusive fondue-jizz in your mouth.

Oscars 2008: Jizz/R-J

Gratuitous McAvoy before we begin the longest TIJA post ever!

First off, mega-jizz to myself for winning the office Oscar pool! Also, even though the show was a little lackluster, it ended before midnight for the first time I can remember! Unfair-jizz on the producers for not giving Amy Adams any sets or costumes while she sang the wonderful "Happy Working Song." And then giving Kristin Chenowith all kinds of extras and costumes for the even better "How Does She Know?"

A GIANT Welcome back Jizz for the writers and the red carpet! Make up sex indeed, Jon Stewart!

Now for the clothes!

Jizz: Keri Russell

This year's big winner for effortless style and charm. She looked beautiful, comfortable, and happy to be there.

Jizz: Jennifer Garner

When in doubt on how to look when you know you should have been nominated, but weren't, just remember the way Jennifer Garner looked at the 2008 Oscars. Wow.

Jizz: Amy Adams

Green and gold with her beautiful skin and red hair. Perfection.

Jizz: Marion Cotillard

Kind of risky fish-inspired ensemble that just worked perfectly for her despite the French tramp makeup.

Knocked up Jizz: Jessica Alba

Cate Blanchett looked like she was wearing a cheap wig and a thrift store dress, especially when compared with our friend "Don't Call me Latina," who had great hair, and a surprisingly modest super-flattering dress.

Slightly jealous Jizz: Clooney and the luckiest girl in the world

mmm - Clooney! A real man with megawatt charm who can take care of you while still keeping a hint of mystery. Sarah Larson was impossible to hate despite her questionable worthiness, because she looked like she knew that living up to the Clooney would be impossible even if she were royalty.

Reverse Jizz: Ellen Page

Juno, I told you not to wear anything shapeless and/or black, didn't I?! Also, your face kinda looked darker than your neck. Get a stylist, but not Jennifer Hudson's, OK?!

Reverse Jizz: Helen Mirren

Helen, Helen, Helen! Knitting is very charming, but put down the needles when it is time to get ready for the Oscars! Where was your ferocity from last year?

Reverse Jizz: Diablo Cody

We know, you were a stripper. We get it. If you are going to attend the Oscars, don't just bedazzle your post-performance robe. Also, if you think you might win, wear panties.

Reverse Jizz: Hilary Swank

Sweetie, didn't your mother ever tell you to cover up those dumbo ears? Accentuate the positives!

Honorable Mentions:
Laura Linney! I thought she looked lovely and was so happy she didn't rock the cheap wedding hair!


Patrick Dempsey and his hot wife!


Oh and the Once song was great, even though I didn't like that movie very much. They were adorable and yay indie rock!

ETA: Fug Girls live blog the red carpet. This is basically a transcript of my conversations with Hilary & Christine.

Friday Double Jizz

I am a long-time Sex and the City enthusiast. It is the reason why my friend Hilary and I know everything and have successful relationships. So, you will understand our trepidation when the movie was announced. Now, however, I am jumping headfirst into optimism with the release of the new extended trailer!

Also, I want to say that I am now an avid Dlisted fan. Move over Perez, there's a new bitchy queen in town who isn't quite as self-obsessed!

Enjoy Dlisted AND the new Sex and the City trailer here!

new glasses!

it's a whole new jizz-filled world.

Jizz in the (new) City

We've been venturing out of our comfort zone these few past weeks and found a new place that's totally jizz-worthy: the Raleigh Times Bar has some of the best bar food I've had in a long time - Pork Nachos, Guacamole topped with Pico de Gallo, FRIED PICKLES! GERMAN BEER ON TAP! Who knew heaven was in RALEIGH?



(just don't google search pink tacos)

Happy Valentine's Day!

A last-minute gift idea for the fellas from your friends at TIJA.




And for the Ladies, a little wet Mr. Darcy for you! Mmmmmm.

Uno: Best in Jizz

Oh holy puppy love, I just made a mess.

How I met your Jizz

The Crazy/Hot scale is one of my favorite "Barney" segments from my new favorite show, How I Met Your Mother. You should watch this show, really. These people are just like us, except that we have jobs and can't afford their clothes. Oh, and architects on TV are hilarious!

The Plug

Jared first introduced me to this webzine many moons ago, and I looked forward to that first of the month jizz all month long! Well, it's back for our mutual satisfaction! Prank calls, political correspondence, and coke nails - updated monthly here!

Morning Jizz: Best Breakfast Ever!

Two Eggo Waffles. Toasted twice for maximum crunchiness.


Smear generously with Jiff Creamy Peanut Butter


Add a generous dollop of unsweetened apple sauce

A somewhat healthy, balanced and delicious breakfast that will keep your jizz boosters firing full-speed until lunch!

SAG Awards - Jizz/R-J

I must admit to not watching the SAG awards.. The writer's strike has destroyed my spirit, and so has the boring lack of color in red carpet wear over the past couple of years. In an attempt to revive my lagging enthusiasm, I present the 2008 SAG Awards Jizz/R-J. Keep in mind, that just because you have reached a spectacular new low or you look divinely elegant as per usual, or you think you are soo special because you ripped off our blog, does not make you worthy of being mentioned below.

Jizz: America Ferrara

Oh so pretty! And feminine! I can't decide if she is really as adorable as I think she is or if it's just the contrast with Ugly Betty.

Jizz: Cate Blanchett

Form-fitting without being vile, and just "mother earth" enough to be perfect!

Reverse-Jizz: Ellen Page

O Ellen, you are adorable! Get a stylist so I don't have to put you back on the R-J list in February!

Reverse-Jizz: Jenna Fischer

I have grown accustomed to your cheap wedding hair, Jenna, but an ill-fitting mother of the bride dress is inexcusable.

Captain & Mrs. Reverse-Jizz:

Vomit. Puke. Repeat.

Please do yourself a favor and read the best SAG wrap-up ever!

Happy New Jizz!

My first jizz of 2008 is for the delectable Oreo Cookie. Two Chocolate cookies with white frosting in the middle - dipped in a large cupful of milk . . . A symbol of tolerance and a message of jizz in these troubled times!

Happy New Year - may 2008 be filled with jizz for each and every one of us!

Jizz Creme

Deeelicious! I want to eat jugs of it with a spoon. Sticky, sweet, goodness.

Tiny, orange jizz

My holiday spirit has been low this year, but the sight of Clementines in a bowl makes my joy rise to the occasion!

Trader Jizz!

Trader Joe's was my neighborhood grocery store back in California, but NC is a little slower to pick up on cool things like this. Chapel Hill finally got one! It's a madhouse every time you go in there with the 50 yr old ladies gobbling up the 2-buck-Chuck like it's being discontinued, but soon they'll all chillax and it'll be just like the olden days of stocking up on JoeJoe's and chocolate covered peanut butter filled pretzels for staff meetings. Big thumbs up to the Wintry Mix Coffee and that pancetta they sell already cubed!

Jizz Kittens unite!

We at the jizz blog, while deploring the lack of new episodes of our favorite shows, support the writer's strike wholeheartedly. Although, I will confess to a wee bit of irritation when I read a certain writer's copycat blog about expensive shoes! Hurry up and give them what they want, evil producers, before you ruin awards' season, too!

Jizz Mart

So far, the only thing I jizz at when planning my forthcoming nuptials (other than the insanely perfect ring and the concept of spending eternity with my dream man) is Bridal Mart. I found my absolute fantasy princess wedding dress (NOT pictured) for the price of a prom dress! When it is your turn to get married, run to Burlington and ask for Wanda - she'll treat you right!