Monday, February 23, 2009

Hugh Jizzman & The Oscars

Congratulations to Hugh Jackman for hosting the least boring Oscars ceremony I have seen in years, and yet still maintaining some dignity! I didn't feel cheated of my montages, and I loved the musical numbers.

There weren't too many major faux pas this year as far as dresses. I would have to say that the biggest Reverse-Jizz has to go to Reese Witherspoon. Sweetheart, I am all about taking risks, but did you look in the mirror? You could feel the collective gasp when she walked out on stage.

The biggest jizz of the evening goes to Penelope Cruz! Wow. A 60 year old dress, and she looked like a princess! There were some great dresses this year, and also some that didn't quite work - see Marisa Tomei (still can't believe you are 45), Kate Winslet (years of looking flawless, and you shanked it!), Ann Hathaway (although you were charming!) & Beyonce (worked that musical number, my friend!).

As for the men -

Robert Downey Jr. gets the big jizz for looking all clean shaven and successful with his pretty lady. Mickey Rourke got robbed, and he looked charmingly eccentric with the picture of Loki around his neck. Apparently, he had a tiny tuxedo made for Loki for the awards ceremony, but Loki died before he could wear it. Academy voters, I know that Prop 8 is an important issue, but have you no hearts?!

Most enthusiasm awards go, of course, to the cast of Slumdog Millionaire, and to Taraji P. Henson. I hope this makes all of your careers, you are adorable! And Danny Boyle, who is a little hobbit of joy.

All in all, a very enjoyable event. Short(er), snazzy, and I didn't fall asleep once! Kate Winslet, I am happy you won, but it is going to take you 4 washes to get whatever that is in your hair out. And, I must give tiny reverse jizzes of boredom to Angelina (despite your fabulous earrings) and Jessica Biel (seriously?!). I would have been more entertaining than the two of you put together. Academy, send TIJA tickets next year!

I have to put a gratuitous Meryl shot here. She is everything that I love about Hollywood - and she looked regal - great shoulders and neck, lovely color, and genuinely happy for everyone!


Best Week Ever has the best liveblog ever!

Monday, February 16, 2009

michael cera and scott pilgrim

From Edgar Wright's blog

I don't think I need to tell you what just happened.


Take note, TIJA readers, let your friends throw you a kickass engagement party, disappear the day before, and return married! Everyone will celebrate you, and you will still get all the presents, but the wedding will be yours and yours alone. Sláinte, Daphne & Patrick!*

* - I would never give up my big white dress, though!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

carpe jizz'am

Carpe Durham had a blogger party (holler!) last night at the Pinhook, complete with a taco truck! it was tons of fun to see people geek out over food, durham, and new bars downtown. this was good practice for SXSW!

Friday, February 13, 2009

Jizz Hamm!

O Jon Hamm, my admiration has turned to obsession.

When I first became aware of your awesomeness, I just called you Don Draper. Cool, calm, collected - smoking and drinking like a real man.
Suddenly, you are a celebrity. And now, I get to experience your scruffy adorableness, and self-deprecating humor that makes me wonder why it took Hollywood so long to find you!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

this girl is a genius.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Burda World of Jizz

My subscription hasn't kicked in but this magazine is quite jizz-worthy. It's full of sewing patterns and yes all the models are SO EURO, but they have some pretty cute stuff in here. Two big jizz-covered thumbs up from kronic!

Friday, February 06, 2009

Bacon Jizzes on TIJA!

Want Bacon jizz on your blog?

Monday, February 02, 2009

The Boss! Teabaggin' America!