Tuesday, July 31, 2007

jizz panties - or undies, if you will

Christina and i always have a hard time finding the perfect undergarments. I don't like shopping at the mall at ALL, especially when it involves trying on things that go on your bare skin. yick. but i finally discovered a brand or two that works for my bum, so god bless internet shopping so i don't have to deal with the annoyingly-familiar soundtrack or the door-guy handing me 5% off coupons. i like these AE boybriefs - they don't go up my butt crack and they have enough elastic to hold me up through the day.


Christina's Pick: Hanes Cotton-Stretch Bikini with comfort-soft waistband
Soft and jizz-inducing! No ass crawling, no awkward panty lines! 7 for the price of 6 at your local Target!

Monday, July 23, 2007

Shoe Karma Jizz

Pukey B and I recently braved the streets (and buses) of San Francisco and discovered a little shoe heaven at Shoe Biz on Haight St. I finally uncovered the sandals of my most jizz-ful dreams! Picture them in Black and on my foot, and try not to make a mess, will ya?! Pukey B got the parrot Keds for soo cheap! I hope nobody with a foot fetish comes near our office!

And, if this weren't reason enough to jizz, I also got Silver Chucks for $9. That's right, NINE DOLLARS! A "Price is right" jizz for ya! My feet are gonna be blinging for less than rip-offs cost at Payless!

Thigh Ticklers / Prom Queen

Well, while crafting a new facial hair motif (sure to leave the ladies wet an wild as the crocodile mile),
I decided I ought to pay a jizz homage to our prom queen Pukey B who will be braving the hot as a crotch, sticky, depths of her kingdom for a year, alone...Athens.

My lady, I present you two new thigh ticklers to take with you while passing on the crown to the new queen. I'm so proud of you Pukey!

Teach those kids how to squirt all over their too tights jeans and too tiny, nut showing, shorts.
I'm sorry your king couldn't be there with you, I've got a bunch of sappy, sentimental spunk to unload on some would be marital bliss.

all my love,
Skeet skeet skeet skeet!

Monday, July 16, 2007

Ceiling Fan jizz

We went to visit Jared's Aunt & Uncle in Dawsonville, GA this past weekend. We slept in a giant, tall, and soft kiwi and hot-pink covered bed. That was a jizz in an of itself, however, we hit the switch and a gentle breeze swept through the room. I slept the sleep of the comatose uninterrupted by sweat or kicking off the covers. As if that weren't enough of a reason to jizz, these little puppies are also good for the environment!

Friday, July 13, 2007

CHEEEESE wedges!

The Laughing Cow cheese wedges, in the light swiss variety, are basically a creamy-jizz godsend! they're the perfect size, you can eat 1 or 2 without feeling like you're going poop all night long, and they're spread-ably soft! we took these around town in Rome when we didn't have access to fridge-packs and they were just as delightful spread between a big thick cut of salami and piece of stale bread..mmmm salami!

HP5 - Jizz / Reverse Jizz

My favorite movie of all the HP movies of which I have a serious love/hate relationship with due to my OBSESSIVE jizz-spewing love of the books.

Reverse Jizz: Screaming Dumbledore. New Dumbledore pushes and grabs and screams. Dumbledore would never lower himself to scream and push and grab! He is DUMBLEDORE not a big hairy oaf! Big Fat Bat Bogey R-J!

Monday, July 09, 2007

Reverse-Jizz Nemesis Blog: Mindy Kaling

reverse jizz alert: things i've bought that i love

a blog that writes about things that you like? written by a team of friends who all share a love of rooster sauce and cute baby animals? coincidence? i think not! though Kelly is Christina's favorite character on The Office, her blog is a big old reverse-jizz for me!

what's totally R-J about this is that only fellow writers can comment on posts! so how else are we supposed to declare war on Mindy Kaling and her boring blog that basically rips off the almighty jizz blog? (did i mention she started the blog a whole month after she stole the idea from TIJA?)

Holmes on Jizz!

Jared introduced me to Holmes on Homes on Discovery Home Channel. It's like a horror movie for homeowners! Even better, it's a Canadian show, and you know how we feel about Canadian home improvement shows! Holmes' righteous anger over unsafe, unacceptable construction and taking advantage of the poor, little ignorant homeowner will make you jizz for sure if his overalls and earring haven't accomplished that already! Make it Jizz!

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Slip N Jizz

The only thing missing from slip n' sliding when we were kids, was the alcohol. We fixed that problem!

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Bumblebee Jizz!

Don't let anyone tell you that Transformers is anything less than THE popcorn movie of the summer! I had so much fun and almost jumped out of my seat at least twice. Girl toys SUCK! Barbie couldn't turn into a Camaro! Bumblebee was my favorite transformer in the movie. Apparently Volkswagon wouldn't let them use the yellow bug that the original transformer toy used, because they thought the movie would be too violent. Big mistake! I just can't stop jizzing about how badass it would be to have a car who turned into a robot! BADASS JIZZ!

Monday, July 02, 2007

another kind of meat