Monday, October 23, 2006

Go Fug Yourself

My jizziest dream is the one where I wake up and my job is to make fun of celebrity clothes like the Fug Girls. Making sure people who dress like this get their due. This is my favorite "inner monologue entry." And anything they do with Tom Cruise is mega-jizzworthy! They occasionally even waste their precious jizz over the Kate Winslet's and Helen Mirren's of the world. This jizz is for you, Fug Girls! Well-jizzed, indeed!

Thursday, October 19, 2006

more Canadian jizz

Love me some Canadian teenage angst and terrible haircuts! First Wheels has to get glasses, and then he almost fails grade 8, and then his parents die in a car accident! how tragic.

Jumbo Honey Bun

Oh morning jizz! Feeling a little peckish and in need of a sugar jolt, the jumbo honey bun is for you! Double the jizz of a normal honey bun. I recommend a big gulp of Diet Coke or a Jumbo cup of coffee as a way to wash all that tasty jizz down!

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Prject Runway

Alright, so I want to take a moment to make our first negative Jizz. I want to spray scaulding, acidic, and receding hairline jizz all over Jeffrey. I think he's an asshole. May he wear pleated pants and orthopedic shoes.

Just look at this Silver Lake piece of style trash. He should not have won. As my only connection to reality tv, besides my aunt making me vote for dancing with the stars (which I want to leave jizz burns on too), I have to say I'm very dissapointed in you Heidi Klum and Co. I was counting on you to vote in my future play-wife, Laura. Shame on you.
Skeet skeet skeet skeet!!

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Bull Jizz

My jizz-affair with 850 the Buzz began on early morning drives to work listening to Imus and was bookended on the way home with Adam Gold on the G-Spot. Now 850 has expanded with a sister station 620 the bull. In the morning I now listen to the mojo, skipping the imus for local celebrities like the bad-assador, Tony Riggsbee. Though I listen, I don't call. I refuse to say, "first time, long time." The only thing that makes this jizz bittersweet is their affiliation with Duke, though I do experience a bit schadenfreude when they broadcast blue devils football on both channels. Oh it hurts so good!

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Vacation with Grandparents!

It might seem weird to jizz over going on vacation with the over 70 section of the population, but think about it: free food, early to bed, early to rise, sweet retirement beachfront condos, and unlimited oatmeal cream pies. It's a jizz-tastic situation! And look how cute my grandparents are? I mean you really just want to jizz all over them, make them into gumbo, and eat them.

Friday, October 13, 2006

girl talk. oh baby!

it seems like everyone else is jizzing all over him, so why shouldn't i? i mean, look at that smirk. and he has major hometown pride, which we all know is how i measure jizz-worthiness in rockstars.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Jizz in my ear: Pandora

Right now, I waste more time looking to see who is playing than listening. Nothing is better than a lazy, procrastinatory aural-jizz. The jizz just streams and streams right into my ears.

Little furry jizz balls

Well folks, as per christinas request, here they are.....





This is by far the most jizz I've shot at any kittens. They're like little Ritz crackers I want to spread Cheez Jizz on!
p.s. Stella has found a happy home here in LA.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Matts apologetic Jizz/ Furniture Making

So, first I must apologize for not jizzing in quite some time.... Second, we all need to give Christina a big ole' jizz for getting us such great press! Who knows, 5,10,20 new people could be letting out their inner jizz with us!
Secondly, I've been jizzing over this table I built. Any bidders on this giant butcher block with a shiny jizz finish on it?

Btw... I've got 4 new heartbreakers (kitties) who need homes. I don't dare post all their pictures without permission cus you might blow an o-ring with the force and amount of jizz that will fly.....
Live long and jizz.

Jizz Love!

Our new friends and fans, the podcast crew, gave us a rad shout out this week! Check it out, here! We love it when people jizz at us!

Monday, October 09, 2006

Wonder Blintzes!

Soo much jizz in my mouth . . . dipped in sour cream . . . rolled in sugar and cinnamon! Oh sweet jizz-us, I can die happy now!

Thursday, October 05, 2006

The Hater

I jizz everyday in anticipation of what Amelie Gillette will hate all over. You can find her (his?) "column" on The Onion's AV Club blog. The blog in itself is jizz worthy, but Amelie isn't afraid to hate, and I love her (him?) for that. One of my favorite entries is here.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

My new-ish Shoes

Good thing these shoes have large rubber toes to protect me from all the jizzing I've been doing on them. Podcast

Do you jizz about your favorite shows all alone, because no one else watches them? Well, now you can rest easy knowing you are not alone! The crew watches EVERYTHING! Lindsey and I jizz weekly in our office as we listen to their snarky comments and inappropriate jokes. They always pick on Angel - which we agree with sometimes, but that girl is seriously committed to her TV. So, we have to say to Michael & Daniel - "Don't Hate! Jizz." Oh, and this podcast would be even more jizz-worthy if they would only talk about Monk!

Listen here!

Monday, October 02, 2006


This baby will slow cook your dinner while you are at work. Chili! Bean soup! Even roast beef. You'll be just jizzing over with extra flavor! October is the month to celebrate the Crock pot. The celebration started Sunday - Hurry up and Jizz!