Friday, January 26, 2007

Tubby kitty!

So I want to expand upon this large animal thing. I know this is old news, but this video of Goliath the cat reaffirmed it's jizz-worthy-ness.

Basically, this cat made me jizz so much I've formed a ball of jizz-yarn that our big boy can bat around, chase, and attack. I mean I'm talking linear feet and feet of liquid love for this lovable creature.

Also, I need to specially mention this fine establishment

This joint is locating "just 6 miles off the strip" in Vegas. They had everything! A bowling alley, the biggest gut bomb of a breakfast buffet ever, a huge room for horse race gambling, 80 year old women sitting on the same stool for 12 hours pulling the crank with one hand, and smoking with their oxygen tanks and social security checks both running on empty in the other. I'm not sure, but I think that to jizz at this place, I'm going to have to jizz out a mixture of Gin and Budweiser.
AND, I won 75 bux on blackjack. Skeet skeet skeet!

p.s Take the bottoms off

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Giant Rabbits!

For the last few months, I have been harboring a dream that I can get one of these Giant German rabbits! I even have a name for my imaginary rabbit. Toby Ziegler. Don't you think that is a perfect name for such a jizztastic rabbit? Too bad I can't put Toby Z on my Amazon wishlist!

Disney's Robin Hood

Whenever I forget how much I love this movie, I watch it again and remember! Great music, fun characters, and fox lovin'! Animated Jizz! They just don't make movies like that anymore!

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Golden Globes: The Jizz-ies!

Last night, Pukey B and I watched the Golden Globes. Here is how I would award the "Jizz-ies!"

Meryl Streep - she is so beautiful and sweet, I want her to be my best friend!
Hugh Laurie - Jizz, Dr. House with the British Accent and the unbearable cuteness. JIZZ!
Ugly Betty - The little show that could! I'm a latecomer to the Ugly Betty party, but am now into it thanks to "The Betty Bowl" on Oxygen and my Epic hangover on New Year's Day.

Reverse Jizz-ies:
Angelina & Brad - I am so tired of them and their smug, fat, smug faces! Seriously! UGH! I screamed at the tv everytime they were on. We must not forget that Angelina is a man-snatching ho! And Brad turns every woman he dates into "smug, beautiful one who must not be touched." Jen is just starting to shake off the curse!
Jennifer Hudson - I'm sure she is very talented. I haven't seen Dreamgirls, but I still think she needed to just say thank you and sit down. We know it was a big dream to get from American Idol to the Golden Globes. We KNOW. We are happy you are confident now. SIT DOWN!
Boring clothes - Seriously. There are a ton of pretty colors in the world that aren't white, silver, and black. Spread out girls! Look at Reese - all strong in yellow & Dr. Torres - fierce in RED! Be ugly, be crazy, just be interesting!

SAG awards next week! Oscars coming soon!

Sunday, January 07, 2007


so i'm watching extreme home makeover and explaining to someone how i haven't jizzed lately, when the sad kiddies on the show tell the tv hosts who rebuild their home that their favorite hockey team is the calgary flames. this automatically reminds me that i do have something to jizz about. there's nothing sexier than a former calgarian in a bathrobe:

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Coach Steve Logan

Coach Steve Logan is host of "The Logan Zone" on 620 the Bull. Hilarious rants about random football questions from call-in guests. Also, you can call up Coach Logan for his opinion on wine, fishing, and tennis. Just don't offer him any Foie Gras or ask him for a scholarship if you are a walk-on! The news that Coach Logan has just accepted a job at Boston College as Offensive Coordinator makes me sad, but the people of Boston College are getting a Jizz-worthy addition to their staff.

Give a farewell jizz to "The Logan Zone" and do yourself a favor and listen to the podcasts available here.