Monday, December 31, 2007

Jizz Creme

Deeelicious! I want to eat jugs of it with a spoon. Sticky, sweet, goodness.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Tiny, orange jizz

My holiday spirit has been low this year, but the sight of Clementines in a bowl makes my joy rise to the occasion!

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Trader Jizz!

Trader Joe's was my neighborhood grocery store back in California, but NC is a little slower to pick up on cool things like this. Chapel Hill finally got one! It's a madhouse every time you go in there with the 50 yr old ladies gobbling up the 2-buck-Chuck like it's being discontinued, but soon they'll all chillax and it'll be just like the olden days of stocking up on JoeJoe's and chocolate covered peanut butter filled pretzels for staff meetings. Big thumbs up to the Wintry Mix Coffee and that pancetta they sell already cubed!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Jizz Kittens unite!

We at the jizz blog, while deploring the lack of new episodes of our favorite shows, support the writer's strike wholeheartedly. Although, I will confess to a wee bit of irritation when I read a certain writer's copycat blog about expensive shoes! Hurry up and give them what they want, evil producers, before you ruin awards' season, too!

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Jizz Mart

So far, the only thing I jizz at when planning my forthcoming nuptials (other than the insanely perfect ring and the concept of spending eternity with my dream man) is Bridal Mart. I found my absolute fantasy princess wedding dress (NOT pictured) for the price of a prom dress! When it is your turn to get married, run to Burlington and ask for Wanda - she'll treat you right!

Friday, November 30, 2007

Jizz on deez nuts

The best thing about going to see the Carolina Hurricanes play lately (sadly) is the stop you get to make at the Nut Cart! The Nutty Bavarian stand always has a huge line and would be impossible to find if not for the sweet waft of toasted nuts through the halls of the RBC center. Serve me up some of dem nuts! Yum!

Monday, November 26, 2007

How Do You Jizz?

Watch the following clip of the best part of Enchanted and just try not to smile! If you ask me, the world would be a much better place if we all randomly burst into song.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

crock-vember, crock-cember?

I've been eating crock pot meals for a while now (thanks christina!) but finally mom unloaded an unused slowcooker onto my tiny kitchen. ho-lee geez! this is just what i needed! even if a little prep work is involved, it definitely gives the slow-cooked taste i yearn but never have time for.

why did i wait so long to jizz in a pot?

Friday, November 16, 2007

Golden Jizz

Triangle Brewing Company has a delicious Golden Ale. It acts as an elixir of charm & wit. When I drink it in excess, I am possessed with an overwhelming desire to share my wisdom incessantly with everyone I come in contact with. I think people really love it when I do that. It is surely not the slightest bit annoying . . .

Thursday, November 15, 2007

scott pilgrim/bryan lee o'malley cross-jizz!

this one gets a double jizz from me - Scott Pilgrim 4 came out yesterday and yes it is amazing and Bryan Lee O'Malley is the most awesome dude there is. My best friend from college introduced me to the series and since it's been hard for me to hide my dork-love for SP.

i can't explain how hard i freaked out when i saw this last night:

comic nerd jizz!

Friday, November 09, 2007

Jizzmongers - steamed or raw!

The hours can't pass quickly enough for pukey & I today as we await Oyster happy hour at Fishmonger's. Their motto is "It's that place at the beach that's just down the street!" My motto is "Mmmm - oysters get in my belly!" They have yummy onion rings, too!

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Swedish Jizz/reverse Jizz

Yummy, salty, jizz-like substance in a tube served on a rough wheat cracker. Christina says "Thank you, jizz again, please!" Pukey says "I need a shot to wash down that pink catfood smelling spooge-like substance with a shot of vodka. Or two!"

Excellent cowbell-like instrument to add the jizz-inducing opening to Shout Out Louds hits like "Impossible." Christina says "No thank you" to the gin shot poured into the smaller of the 2 containers. Pukey says "Oh silly Carl, I will shoot gin with you and your adorable little boy face."

We'll let the loyal TIJA readers guess who is Jizzin' and who is Reverse jizzin' on the other's car.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Jizz Lekman - it was inevitable...

I'm pretty sure everyone in the world is saying "i heart Jens" right about now, but oh my holy jizzness, i just can't stop! If i could make "Simply Irresistible" play when this page pops up, I would.

Jens and I had an encounter last week. That's all I can say about that. swoon.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

My dogs are Jizzin'

Gellin', or Jizzin' as we here at TIJA like to say, is as important to the success of a rock show as good sound and hot dudes! Take those tired hounds to the nearest drug store, and those hipster shoes won't cause lame hipster frowns!

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Crispy Fried Jizz

A picture of fried guacomole is worth a pound of jizz.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

All I wanna do is skeet skeet skeet & take your money!

I can't stop listening to this M.I.A. song! It's so catchy and shockingly hilarious. See her perform the cap gun version on Letterman below, but visit your local music store for the album version!

Monday, October 08, 2007

Friends and lovers,
Noodle D has got some jizz to talk about. I think I might even blow my load not 1, not 2, but 3 times today.
So if Pukey B can jizz about some australians, I think I can jizz about this handsome fellow.

Mr. Bill Callahan played to a very excited crowd in Los Angeles for nearly 2 hours! And his crazy leg dances make one wonder if he himself may just be on the verge of a jizz himself! The New Album is a golden piece of the new Americana but I nearly spooied myself when he played 'River Guard' and then it really did run down my leg..... when he played 'Cold Blooded Old Times'.

Mr. Callahan, I salute you.
Skeet skeet!

Next Jizz:
Remember these old things?

Old, smelly, full of people's unwashed hand spunk and goo, but fun as hell!
Bring extra socks kids!
I haven't rollerskated since I was barely a wet spot myself. There was the dice game, the worst hot dog I've ever had, a slurpee, and of course the Hokey Pokey! I had so much fun my mess had to be contained - as to prevent slipping, of course. Whether you 8 or 80, blind, crippled, or crazy - you too can jizz on the rink.

Final jizz:
Noodle has been watching a lot of Utube lately.
Try this for me: Type in the word "Shredding" and you may just come up with something like this...

I really haven't decided if this should be a reverse jizz or not. I mean, these licks are Scalding but for god sakes, two guitars? Seriously, if what happens at about 4:40 doesn't make some sort of liquid come out of your it again.
There are hundreds upon hundreds of dudes spreading their finger tapping dirtiness around.
This stuff is ridiculous and may be a violation of homeland security, or atleast guilty of lude and jizzy behavior.

Goodbye for now and jizz well.
Skeet skeet!

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

the lucksmiths, austrialian jizz

ok, i swear TIJA is not going to turn into a "jizz on indie rock dudes" blog! but these guys are crazy awesome. cute front-dude drummer who also dances like calvin johnson, but in a less creepy way? YES.

the Mind Whip tour that The Ladybug Transistor has been playing on was so much fun in a weird/awkward "maybe this was a private party?" kind of way. but watching people dance all crazy to bands that you never thought people danced to (with the exception of still flyin') makes for a jizz-worthy experience.

The Lucksmiths site.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Cheese Ball Jizz

Now, I'm not a champion homemaker by anyone's standards, but I do appreciate a good cheese ball. It's one of my signature dishes. Watching two kick ass homemakers - Amy Sedaris & Martha Stewart duke it out over which is better - smoked gouda or cheddar? "bong water" or chutney? - caused me to bubble over with jizz this morning! Although, is it wrong that I still think my cheese ball is better??

(Thanks to Four Four for bringing the video to my attention!)

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Jizz in my Eye!

I can see clearly now & the glasses are gone! It's like I traded in my eyeballs for the newer model! I am currently singing "A Whole New World" from the Disney hit film, Aladdin. Only in this case, it's a Whole New JIZZ!

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

foo jizz

so i know this record comes out today and the foo fighters are getting more than enough press and don't need help from the lil' old jizz blog, but dave grohl is soooo cuute. seriously! who's with me? one time i was at this secret weezer show and he was hanging out with all of us and ever since then i've just been swooning over him, no matter how many mediocre modern rock hits he puts out into the world. no 4 play. stick it in.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Fall Mall Jizz

My favorite Mall warrior, Kate T, and I hit the Streets of Southpoint on Saturday bright and early to jizz up our looks for fall!

First, we visited the Clinique counter at Nordstrom. An adorable teenager applied shine and shimmer to my eyes, and then Kate T let me practice scary eyeliner on hers.

Next up, jean shopping at Macy's. Apparently, the commercials didn't lie, Macy's really is a magical jizz factory! The very first pair of jeans I tried on fit perfectly!

After that, we tackled Nordstrom's dress up section to find a spectacular jizz-inducing dress for Kate T to wear to an upcoming wedding. Denise, our "plus-size" administer of jizz, kept us in stitches as she described stealing men from those "skinny LA women" by cooking their men a meal or even just "popping a can of Hungry Jack biscuits."

Thursday, September 20, 2007

jizzy water!

mmmm.. love me some fizzy water! when your stomach's feeling a little queasy or when you just want something a little tastier than filtered water, sparkling water with lime is kind of the best thing ever invented.

in the office we're fans of poland springs, but the lemon flavor kind of tastes like fruit loops. la croix lime is my pick. too bad it's more expensive than diet coke.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

new hockey season!

this little movie basically sums up how awesome the 'canes are.



Thursday, September 13, 2007

jizz scarf

Mighty Goods has a bacon scarf for sale.

I'm too poor to buy this, but you know it's going on my christmas wishlist. do i have any internet stalkers out there? now taking donations for all things bacon-jizz.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Po Boy Jizz

The Villager Cafe in Maurice, LA is the home of the best Shrimp Po Boy and bowl of french fries I have ever had. Bread that is crunchy on the outside, but soft on the inside overstuffed with light & crisp Gulf shrimp. Chopped up potatoes fried and put in a big bowl! My jizz groans filled the tiny dining room and I washed the whole meal down with a bottled diet coke.

If you go to Maurice for a po boy jizz, stop in next door and get a stuffed chicken or seasoned brisket from Jo Ann at Hebert's Specialty Meats. Your kitchen will overflow with a taste jizzplosion!

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Dinky Jizz

there is a magical place somewhere in Minnesota named DINKYTOWN USA

some of the highlights of Dinkytown:
-the pasta-bar that used to be a drugstore
the dinky theatre that has only 4 rows of seats

there are obviously more than enough reasons to jizz at Dinkytown USA.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Lemur Jizz

Did you know that Durham, our fair city of Jizz, is also the home of the largest lemur population outside of Madagascar? Apparently, all of the lemurs in the US belong to the Duke Lemur Center even if they are at another zoo!

Lemurs are adorable and smart, and they have teethcombs to groom each other with. They jizz over monkey chow - which is just like doggie chow! - and their cages look like bachelor pads complete with empty 12pack boxes!

My favorite lemur is Romeo (pictured above). He's the only one of his species at the lemur center so the caretakers are allowed to scratch his belly so he isn't lonely. O Romeo, I will scratch your funny looking belly, and you can teach me how to leap 30 ft in a single bound!

Sunday, August 19, 2007

free tv jizz - i hope it never ends

last night i got home and flipped on my TV to find another channel change. something i can't complain about since i don't actually have to pay for my cable....but this time it was a jizz-worthy surprise!

the noggin channel has bumped the travel channel (to where? i'm still trying to figure that out!) and the degrassi, summerland, the best years, and south of nowhere are flowing. i may never leave my house past 6pm again.

i've been waiting for this moment my entire life.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Classic Jizz

After a weekend spent with four Myrna Loy movies and an evening spent with Robert Osborne and his fantastic June Allyson interview, I am overflowing with jizz for Turner Classic Movies. No commercials to interrupt the flow, if you know what I mean. I fill up my DVR with this jizz weekly, and am never out of classics!

Friday, August 10, 2007

You are the Jizz in me

There is just no excuse for how adorable and cheesy and catchy this song is. There is absolutely no excuse for how much it makes me want to burst into song and find a little pre-pubescent man-girl to dance around with in a flood of jizz! I must DVR High School Musical in preparation for the premiere of High School Musical 2 next week! Apparently, they are already filming High School Musical 3! Sigh. To be a tween again!

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Feasting on Jizz

My squeeze and I love the Food Network, well, mostly we jizz at all things Alton Brown. Feasting on Asphalt Season two has brought the jizz to a meteoric level and we've only seen one episode so far! Alton & his crew are following the Mississippi river from it's beginning in Venice, LA all the way to the end! They are so cute - jizzing on crawfish (or "mudbugs" as Alton says), Andouille Sausage, and learning about the difference between Cajun & Creole. Don't miss another episode! There is alot of yummy food along the Mighty River of Jizz!

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Cookin' Jizz

I am not the most efficient or confident of cooks, but as I previously pointed out, certain tools make the process much more jizzable.

My current favorite jizz guide is one your mother probably still uses! The Better Homes & Gardens Cookbook! Full color illustrations, handy measurement guides, and quick & easy jizz-inducing recipes to impress all those friends who stay up late watching the food network. I dare Rachel Ray to come up with any recipe as delicious as the BH&G jizz manual!

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

jizz panties - or undies, if you will

Christina and i always have a hard time finding the perfect undergarments. I don't like shopping at the mall at ALL, especially when it involves trying on things that go on your bare skin. yick. but i finally discovered a brand or two that works for my bum, so god bless internet shopping so i don't have to deal with the annoyingly-familiar soundtrack or the door-guy handing me 5% off coupons. i like these AE boybriefs - they don't go up my butt crack and they have enough elastic to hold me up through the day.


Christina's Pick: Hanes Cotton-Stretch Bikini with comfort-soft waistband
Soft and jizz-inducing! No ass crawling, no awkward panty lines! 7 for the price of 6 at your local Target!

Monday, July 23, 2007

Shoe Karma Jizz

Pukey B and I recently braved the streets (and buses) of San Francisco and discovered a little shoe heaven at Shoe Biz on Haight St. I finally uncovered the sandals of my most jizz-ful dreams! Picture them in Black and on my foot, and try not to make a mess, will ya?! Pukey B got the parrot Keds for soo cheap! I hope nobody with a foot fetish comes near our office!

And, if this weren't reason enough to jizz, I also got Silver Chucks for $9. That's right, NINE DOLLARS! A "Price is right" jizz for ya! My feet are gonna be blinging for less than rip-offs cost at Payless!

Thigh Ticklers / Prom Queen

Well, while crafting a new facial hair motif (sure to leave the ladies wet an wild as the crocodile mile),
I decided I ought to pay a jizz homage to our prom queen Pukey B who will be braving the hot as a crotch, sticky, depths of her kingdom for a year, alone...Athens.

My lady, I present you two new thigh ticklers to take with you while passing on the crown to the new queen. I'm so proud of you Pukey!

Teach those kids how to squirt all over their too tights jeans and too tiny, nut showing, shorts.
I'm sorry your king couldn't be there with you, I've got a bunch of sappy, sentimental spunk to unload on some would be marital bliss.

all my love,
Skeet skeet skeet skeet!

Monday, July 16, 2007

Ceiling Fan jizz

We went to visit Jared's Aunt & Uncle in Dawsonville, GA this past weekend. We slept in a giant, tall, and soft kiwi and hot-pink covered bed. That was a jizz in an of itself, however, we hit the switch and a gentle breeze swept through the room. I slept the sleep of the comatose uninterrupted by sweat or kicking off the covers. As if that weren't enough of a reason to jizz, these little puppies are also good for the environment!

Friday, July 13, 2007

CHEEEESE wedges!

The Laughing Cow cheese wedges, in the light swiss variety, are basically a creamy-jizz godsend! they're the perfect size, you can eat 1 or 2 without feeling like you're going poop all night long, and they're spread-ably soft! we took these around town in Rome when we didn't have access to fridge-packs and they were just as delightful spread between a big thick cut of salami and piece of stale bread..mmmm salami!

HP5 - Jizz / Reverse Jizz

My favorite movie of all the HP movies of which I have a serious love/hate relationship with due to my OBSESSIVE jizz-spewing love of the books.

Reverse Jizz: Screaming Dumbledore. New Dumbledore pushes and grabs and screams. Dumbledore would never lower himself to scream and push and grab! He is DUMBLEDORE not a big hairy oaf! Big Fat Bat Bogey R-J!

Monday, July 09, 2007

Reverse-Jizz Nemesis Blog: Mindy Kaling

reverse jizz alert: things i've bought that i love

a blog that writes about things that you like? written by a team of friends who all share a love of rooster sauce and cute baby animals? coincidence? i think not! though Kelly is Christina's favorite character on The Office, her blog is a big old reverse-jizz for me!

what's totally R-J about this is that only fellow writers can comment on posts! so how else are we supposed to declare war on Mindy Kaling and her boring blog that basically rips off the almighty jizz blog? (did i mention she started the blog a whole month after she stole the idea from TIJA?)

Holmes on Jizz!

Jared introduced me to Holmes on Homes on Discovery Home Channel. It's like a horror movie for homeowners! Even better, it's a Canadian show, and you know how we feel about Canadian home improvement shows! Holmes' righteous anger over unsafe, unacceptable construction and taking advantage of the poor, little ignorant homeowner will make you jizz for sure if his overalls and earring haven't accomplished that already! Make it Jizz!

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Slip N Jizz

The only thing missing from slip n' sliding when we were kids, was the alcohol. We fixed that problem!

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Bumblebee Jizz!

Don't let anyone tell you that Transformers is anything less than THE popcorn movie of the summer! I had so much fun and almost jumped out of my seat at least twice. Girl toys SUCK! Barbie couldn't turn into a Camaro! Bumblebee was my favorite transformer in the movie. Apparently Volkswagon wouldn't let them use the yellow bug that the original transformer toy used, because they thought the movie would be too violent. Big mistake! I just can't stop jizzing about how badass it would be to have a car who turned into a robot! BADASS JIZZ!