Wednesday, February 28, 2007


So, at the risk of further being known as the "cat guy", I am going to blow my horn about these new furry jizz-pots.
It's a new breed of cat, a mix of some kind of house cat and a damn bengal tiger!
Toyger = Mini (toy) Tiger!!!! = I just spotted in my pants.
They start off like this....

Schwinggggggg! and..... jizz.

They end up like this

Skeet! there's now a stain on the ceiling.

This is the most amazing thing to happen to the domesticated cat world. This is every boys dream, their very own tiger!
And they love water! Unfortunately, if you get me one of these I might never jizz again- cus I'll go on such a jizzing binge, the likes of we've never seen before, I'll dry up, and someone will have to shampoo all the carpets and curtains.

I salute you toyger, and have officially made a mess of myself.

p.s. this new betablogger gets a scathing and scaulding anti-jizz. What a bunch of horse puckey!

Monday, February 26, 2007

The Academy Awards: The Jizzies

Watched The Oscars last night with Cooper and the ladies. We ate rice crispy treats and drank mimosas to sweeten the cruel banter and unforgiving judgment we offered on every aspect of the show from the red carpet to the long, long awaited finale.

Now for the awards you have all really been waiting for!

The Jizzies:

Reese Witherspoon - Reese! Congratulations! You win best dress of the night! It fit you, it was a color, and you looked fierce! Jizz salute!

Martin Scorsese - A big bullet hole jizz for Mr. Scorsese! The tears during the writer's speech, kidding around with Ellen, and a great speech! Also, I may look just like Marty when I get old, so I gotta support! Oh, and of course, The Departed was great!

Will Ferrell, Jack Black, John C. Reilly - A thank you jizz for making me laugh in the middle of what became a pretty dragged out affair. Extra skeet for singing about Helen Mirren and giving the camera another reason to show off her glory before she ruined it by a lackluster speech.

Reverse Jizz-ies:
B-level actresses who show up in their mid-90's prom dresses - this reverse jizz is for you Jessica Biel, you Anne Hathaway and for you Kelly Preston. I believe the consensus on Jessica Biel - after I stopped asking myself and anyone who would listen who freaking invited her - is that she looked like Ken Doll in a dress. Anne Hathaway has beautiful skin, nice hair, and is completely boring. Still, there is no excuse for lace and a bow in 2007. And Kelly, O Kelly. Leopard print. Really?

Jennifers - And by Jennifers, I am talking about J. LO and J. HUD. Now, I must give J. Hud some props with her speech. I didn't want to kill her like last time. But, sweetie, you have a glorious full-figure - don't tchotch it up with gold boleros AND pockets! Thankfully, she removed the little space jacket to win her award. J. Lo just needs to ditch the granny dress and bad wig and remember she has a personality.

All in all, an oscars with many jizzes. I enjoyed Ellen and the Dreamgirls melody - both not entirely causing jizz, but entertaining. Peter O'Toole - next year is your year - if your face doesn't melt off.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Farewell Jizz

O, residents of The OC. We loved you well (for 2 seasons). Seth, you were my first TV jizz since Dean Cain wore tights. Thanks for the wonderful finale! Sniff sniff skeet skeet.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Gramercy Park Hotel

Jared and I celebrated our 4 yr anniversary in jizz-tastic style at the Gramercy Park Hotel! We drank overpriced jizz cocktails in the beautiful Rose Bar while gazing at slutty waitresses, Warhol art, and a gigantic fireplace.

The best part of the whole experience was the bed. A big, fluffy mountain of jizz.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

surprise hockey/pizza/canada/athens jizz!

i have the best friends ever. and apparently they all agree on one love: ric flair.

that is billy (above). this is kate (below).

i think they had fun woo-wooing.

Jim Jizz

I know, I am late to the party on this one, too! Everyone waded through the kinda lame first season and watched the second season in real time and already knows that Jim is a B-A-B-E BABE! Well, now I am a believer! Hot Jim, oh Hot Jim. You look like a cute little puppy dog and your smile causes uncontrollable jizz flow! Make out with Pam already!

Friday, February 09, 2007

King Cake!

Friend of the Jizz blog and Mardi Gras Queen, Kate T. sent us a delectable King Cake all the way from New Orleans! In addition to being a tasty, jizz-inducing snack, King Cakes allow those of us from Louisiana to lord our cultural superiority over all others. We like our boobs uncovered, our streets full of open containers and public urination, and our cakes baby-filled! Hey, Mister - show me your jizz!

Wednesday, February 07, 2007


The Kronic and I are newly minted Carolina Hurricanes Hockey fans, as faithful jizz readers can tell you. We have been to quite a few games this season and The Kronic has even had her birthday celebrated on the jumbotron! We get scrappy when other teams get overzealous in their checking of our 'Canes. We would love to wait outside the RBC and take care of them, but are, alas too ladylike for such behavior.

We are especially protective of Eric Staal. He's young and cute and is terrible in that local TV commercial. We just jizz over his mad hockey skillz and his sad little attempts at facial hair.

So today, we offer the much-coveted Jizz "Power Play" Salute to Andrew Ladd! He solidified his place as an honorary "Staal-ker" last night by beating the crap out of that loser Hab who tried to hurt our boy!

Friday, February 02, 2007

jizz for the readers

i'd just like to take a moment to thank all the readers that search for "jizz in my mouth" - coming from AOL, google, Canada ( heyo!)... the jizz blog would be nothing without your misdirected internet searches. shame on you, but thanks!

Guilty Jizz

Everyone has a little guilty jizz in their heart. Mine is Norah Jones. I love her. I can't help it! She's pretty and her voice makes me feel like I am in front of a fire wearing an attractively striped cashmere sweater. Also, I want her to be my friend. She seems like someone who would fit in with my group of friends, and maybe she would even let me borrow the dress she is wearing on the cover of her new record. What do you say, Norah? I promise not to jizz on it!

Thursday, February 01, 2007

All that Jizz

It may seem weird to jizz on oneself, but mostly I am saluting my tap dancing group. This was our first "sharing" (ie recital) and we were very excited and nervous. Look how together we were! A standing Jizz-vation, if you please!

Click here for video!