Childhood jizz-splosion

My friend Alicia and I organized an Anne of Green Gables book club in honor of the 100 year anniversary of the book. All of my childhood dreams of being Canadian, the knack of making everyone love me, and discovering my true feelings for a hazel-eyed future doctor (almost too late!) have been re-awakened. I long for words like "slender," "tall," "ruddy" and "starry" to be applied to me. I yearn for red hair and seven freckles on my nose.

2008 isn't so bad, but I'd give it all up to be Anne! Oh well, I'll just have to take comfort in my husband's hazel eyes and re-reading all eight Anne books whenever I need a shot of youthful jizz.

Commuter Jizz

The sweat on my face could easily be mistaken for a bucket of jizz.

Shiny new computers and Jizz Mail

We at TIJA are unabashed Microsoft haters. Our old, faithful iMacs suffered through years of Entourage hell before finally we retired them this week.

Lindsey and I are now in the PO (power office) looking at all of the images below and the grins on our faces are testament to the amount of joy in our britches.

Jizz on the Run!

I love Wings. Athens, GA, home of the world's greatest cover bands, has assembled the greatest Wings cover band ever! They are called Hi Hi Hi - Jizz Jizz Jizz is more like it! Full horn section, full McCartney mullet. Amazing.

Carne Asada with a side of jizz

Trader Joe's is universally recognized as an amazing store filled with jizz-inducing snacks and 3 buck chuck. This is a new item recently tried at the Martinson hacienda. Grill up some veggies and wrap this tender spicy beef in a tortilla, and the jizz sparks will fly!

Full killer meal instructions with photos here.

Mamma Jizz-a!

I haven't had so much fun in a movie theatre since Bride and Prejudice! Bursting into song, dance sequences, Greece, mankinis, and sequins! Sure, Pierce Brosnan can't sing, but he adds to the comedy. And, of COURSE, Colin Firth isn't gay, but he sure plays it well. Go see it in the theatre, be loud, have fun. The world would be a much better place if Abba wrote the soundtrack.

Jimmy Jizz's

The ladies of TIJA have a new obsession. We love the # 12 at Jimmy John's. Smells delicious in there, not super-expensive, and you don't feel all dirty after you eat it. There's one on ninth street - check it out! Tell 'em your friends at TIJA sent you, and don't forget to ask for hot peppers and a pickle!

Jizz Bo

I have been playing this game since I was a little girl. If you play it with real cards, it's called Spite and Malice. I taught my new husband how to play on our honeymoon ferry boat ride, and now he is addicted just like me. Once you get the rules straight, you'll be jizz bo'ing with the best of them!

Psych Jizz Out

How can you not watch this show after the brilliance of this promo? New episodes on July 18. And new episodes of Monk, too!

250 pieces of jizz

Christina went to costco and brought back this giant bag of deliciousness. Nerds, Twizzlers, Tootsie Rolls, SweetTarts, Jolly Ranchers, Laffy Taffy, Starburst, Skittles..jizzx250.

TIM HORTON'S JIZZ

I had been waiting for this moment almost my entire life. The perfect donut was found in Windsor, Ontario this weekend. I ate a whole box of timbits on top of a maple crunch stuffed with vanilla pudding. JIZZ.

my very own jizz kittens!

Jizz Shot

How had I never seen Slap Shot before? Seriously! That movie is awesome! Let the Hanson Brothers "check" the jizz right out of you!

Jared's boxset of jizz

I must salute my jizz-tastic fiance for his help in winning the Sex and the City boxset from our local newspaper. Nothing says true love like a freddy mercury mustache and a quote in the paper about how excited he is to watch "every episode!" Sorry girls, he's taken!

Frozen Jizz on a hot day

Lindsey, Wilson and I just walked outside into the sauna-like 102 degree weather to the local convenience store for ice cream treats. Lindsey had a giant ice cream twix - caramel jizz with a cookie center. I had a giant nutty buddy with chocolate AND vanilla ice cream and little nuts and a sugar cone. Giant jizz!

5 Star JIZZ

Last weekend . . . I jizzed here:


Here . . .


And most definitely HERE:

JJ's new jizz kitten!

JJ's life is now complete with his very own jizz kitten! Look how cute he is!! Now I need to pick a few out and take them home too!

Cranford

I am a sucker for movies and books depicting British village life with little gossipy old ladies. It is no secret that I am well on my way to being a gossipy old lady, but alas without a British accent. Cranford is a mini-series that just aired on Masterpiece. Watch it and laugh, cry & jizz with adorable old ladies, as well as the extremely jizz-worthy red-headed Dr. Harrison. You may recognize the actor from the Keira Knightley Pride and Prejudice in which he played the sweet, simple purveyor of jizz, Mr. Bingley.

North Carolina Bears

Memorial Day weekend had everyone out grilling in the backyard, and the bears were hungry! The local news affiliate had a hard-hitting news story on the bears with their visit to Wal-Mart and the home of a ponytailed man. Thanks to the nice sheriff, Ricky, we know that the bears were hungry and that you shouldn't mess with them, but that it's probably ok to let your kids out on their scooters.

Throw an extra jizz-kabob on the grill for our furry friends!

Vampire Jizz Hotness!

Based on a YA book written by Stephanie Meyer, Twilight the movie is gonna be awesome!! This teaser trailer has me jizzing uncontrollably in anticipation! The new book comes out in August. Yay!

The Office Quotes page!

Try to work while this is in existence. Seriously.

My current favorite:
Kelly: Oh my God, Darryl. You look like Barack Obama. Everybody I'm dating Barack Obama.

Fiberful Jizz

sometimes when your body gets off schedule, you need a little granola to help get the poop out.

Iron Jizz + This American Jizz

A weekend of such jizz-splosions over my two new celebrity "boyfriends": Ira Glass & Robert Downey, Jr. Although, technically I have been in love with Robert Downey Jr since I was 12! See Iron Man and the new season of This American Life on Showtime. How I love nerds!

Fruit Bats!

This interview is a little long and a little awkward, but there is live footage of Jizz Blog fave, Eric Johnson aka Fruit Bats. O Eric, we jizz at you 4-eva!

sewing machine love/jizz

Just picked this sucker up for way more money than my mother would ever approve of me spending but sooooo excited! i am currently taking requests for garments and donations of Liberty fabrics.

You Can Call Me Jizz

My two great loves, Graceland and Jens Lekman, have come together to form a perfect union:

Jens Lekman - You Can Call Me Al

Tippy Tap Club debuts on YouTube!

2 pregnant ladies, 5:25 minute song and John Travolta!

Owl Jizz!

Thanks to Alicia for a jolt of incredible baby owl jizz! Go here for the live video feed!

NKOT-Jizz Reunion!

My very first concert, my very first celebrity "boyfriend," and my very first giant lace-edged button. Joey was my first love, and you never forget your first love even when he is super-cheesy and way too old for this stuff. I don't know about you, but I'm setting my dvr for the big reunion and I really hope they play Cover Girl! See awesome video below and try not to jizz!

Cupid Jizz!

Heading to Carolina Beach for my bachelorette party this weekend, and I suspect we will be doing lots of Cupid Shuffling! Cupid is from Lafayette, LA! Everything good DOES come from South Louisiana - just as I suspected! To the left, to the left, to the left to the left - altogether now JIZZ!

Jizz in the afternoon: Sam's Choice "Cajun" Trail Mix

Yummy for my tummy afternoon snack to go with my 3pm Diet coke. Could be worth a trip to Wal-Mart, but luckily, Jack went for us! In the words of Justin Wilson, I guarantee you will jizz when you eat this spicy, sweet, yumminess!

Texas-Sized Jizz, Texas-Sized CANKLES!

Pukey B's jizzworthy SXSW moments, in no particular order:
-growing cankles the size of Texas
-reuniting with Noodle D!!
-bro'ing out with an un-named Pitchfork writer and talking about Catbirdseat
-the Blogger Cage at Stereogum party
-Jens remembering me. Finally seeing Jens play
-"getting to know the Swedish" with Shout Out Louds. CRYBABY = LIPSILL.
-Ross & JJ - the story of true manlove.

The Cute Show

Hurry over to VBS TV and jizz over the unbearable cuteness of The Cute Show! Kittens, cat shows, hamsters, tiny goats - everything you need to forget the dreariness of everyday life.

Double Jizz Friday: Tiny Food!

These bacon cups from Not Martha make my mouth water! Can you imagine putting a sunny-side-up egg in one of these bacon cups? holy breakfast jizz, batman! BACON CUPS!



Seriously, what is more fun than saying "Hey, do you want a tiny banana?" I
can tell you - Nothing! Dip that baby banana in chocolate for the
oh-so-elusive fondue-jizz in your mouth.

Oscars 2008: Jizz/R-J

Gratuitous McAvoy before we begin the longest TIJA post ever!

First off, mega-jizz to myself for winning the office Oscar pool! Also, even though the show was a little lackluster, it ended before midnight for the first time I can remember! Unfair-jizz on the producers for not giving Amy Adams any sets or costumes while she sang the wonderful "Happy Working Song." And then giving Kristin Chenowith all kinds of extras and costumes for the even better "How Does She Know?"

A GIANT Welcome back Jizz for the writers and the red carpet! Make up sex indeed, Jon Stewart!

Now for the clothes!

Jizz: Keri Russell

This year's big winner for effortless style and charm. She looked beautiful, comfortable, and happy to be there.

Jizz: Jennifer Garner

When in doubt on how to look when you know you should have been nominated, but weren't, just remember the way Jennifer Garner looked at the 2008 Oscars. Wow.

Jizz: Amy Adams

Green and gold with her beautiful skin and red hair. Perfection.

Jizz: Marion Cotillard

Kind of risky fish-inspired ensemble that just worked perfectly for her despite the French tramp makeup.

Knocked up Jizz: Jessica Alba

Cate Blanchett looked like she was wearing a cheap wig and a thrift store dress, especially when compared with our friend "Don't Call me Latina," who had great hair, and a surprisingly modest super-flattering dress.

Slightly jealous Jizz: Clooney and the luckiest girl in the world

mmm - Clooney! A real man with megawatt charm who can take care of you while still keeping a hint of mystery. Sarah Larson was impossible to hate despite her questionable worthiness, because she looked like she knew that living up to the Clooney would be impossible even if she were royalty.

Reverse Jizz: Ellen Page

Juno, I told you not to wear anything shapeless and/or black, didn't I?! Also, your face kinda looked darker than your neck. Get a stylist, but not Jennifer Hudson's, OK?!

Reverse Jizz: Helen Mirren

Helen, Helen, Helen! Knitting is very charming, but put down the needles when it is time to get ready for the Oscars! Where was your ferocity from last year?

Reverse Jizz: Diablo Cody

We know, you were a stripper. We get it. If you are going to attend the Oscars, don't just bedazzle your post-performance robe. Also, if you think you might win, wear panties.

Reverse Jizz: Hilary Swank

Sweetie, didn't your mother ever tell you to cover up those dumbo ears? Accentuate the positives!

Honorable Mentions:
Laura Linney! I thought she looked lovely and was so happy she didn't rock the cheap wedding hair!


Patrick Dempsey and his hot wife!


Oh and the Once song was great, even though I didn't like that movie very much. They were adorable and yay indie rock!

ETA: Fug Girls live blog the red carpet. This is basically a transcript of my conversations with Hilary & Christine.

Friday Double Jizz

I am a long-time Sex and the City enthusiast. It is the reason why my friend Hilary and I know everything and have successful relationships. So, you will understand our trepidation when the movie was announced. Now, however, I am jumping headfirst into optimism with the release of the new extended trailer!

Also, I want to say that I am now an avid Dlisted fan. Move over Perez, there's a new bitchy queen in town who isn't quite as self-obsessed!

Enjoy Dlisted AND the new Sex and the City trailer here!

new glasses!

it's a whole new jizz-filled world.