Shoe Karma Jizz

Pukey B and I recently braved the streets (and buses) of San Francisco and discovered a little shoe heaven at Shoe Biz on Haight St. I finally uncovered the sandals of my most jizz-ful dreams! Picture them in Black and on my foot, and try not to make a mess, will ya?! Pukey B got the parrot Keds for soo cheap! I hope nobody with a foot fetish comes near our office!

And, if this weren't reason enough to jizz, I also got Silver Chucks for $9. That's right, NINE DOLLARS! A "Price is right" jizz for ya! My feet are gonna be blinging for less than rip-offs cost at Payless!

Thigh Ticklers / Prom Queen

Well, while crafting a new facial hair motif (sure to leave the ladies wet an wild as the crocodile mile),
I decided I ought to pay a jizz homage to our prom queen Pukey B who will be braving the hot as a crotch, sticky, depths of her kingdom for a year, alone...Athens.

My lady, I present you two new thigh ticklers to take with you while passing on the crown to the new queen. I'm so proud of you Pukey!


Teach those kids how to squirt all over their too tights jeans and too tiny, nut showing, shorts.
I'm sorry your king couldn't be there with you, I've got a bunch of sappy, sentimental spunk to unload on some would be marital bliss.

all my love,
Skeet skeet skeet skeet!

Ceiling Fan jizz

We went to visit Jared's Aunt & Uncle in Dawsonville, GA this past weekend. We slept in a giant, tall, and soft kiwi and hot-pink covered bed. That was a jizz in an of itself, however, we hit the switch and a gentle breeze swept through the room. I slept the sleep of the comatose uninterrupted by sweat or kicking off the covers. As if that weren't enough of a reason to jizz, these little puppies are also good for the environment!

CHEEEESE wedges!

The Laughing Cow cheese wedges, in the light swiss variety, are basically a creamy-jizz godsend! they're the perfect size, you can eat 1 or 2 without feeling like you're going poop all night long, and they're spread-ably soft! we took these around town in Rome when we didn't have access to fridge-packs and they were just as delightful spread between a big thick cut of salami and piece of stale bread..mmmm salami!

HP5 - Jizz / Reverse Jizz

Jizz:
My favorite movie of all the HP movies of which I have a serious love/hate relationship with due to my OBSESSIVE jizz-spewing love of the books.

Reverse Jizz: Screaming Dumbledore. New Dumbledore pushes and grabs and screams. Dumbledore would never lower himself to scream and push and grab! He is DUMBLEDORE not a big hairy oaf! Big Fat Bat Bogey R-J!

Reverse-Jizz Nemesis Blog: Mindy Kaling

reverse jizz alert: things i've bought that i love

a blog that writes about things that you like? written by a team of friends who all share a love of rooster sauce and cute baby animals? coincidence? i think not! though Kelly is Christina's favorite character on The Office, her blog is a big old reverse-jizz for me!

what's totally R-J about this is that only fellow writers can comment on posts! so how else are we supposed to declare war on Mindy Kaling and her boring blog that basically rips off the almighty jizz blog? (did i mention she started the blog a whole month after she stole the idea from TIJA?)

Holmes on Jizz!

Jared introduced me to Holmes on Homes on Discovery Home Channel. It's like a horror movie for homeowners! Even better, it's a Canadian show, and you know how we feel about Canadian home improvement shows! Holmes' righteous anger over unsafe, unacceptable construction and taking advantage of the poor, little ignorant homeowner will make you jizz for sure if his overalls and earring haven't accomplished that already! Make it Jizz!

Slip N Jizz

The only thing missing from slip n' sliding when we were kids, was the alcohol. We fixed that problem!

Bumblebee Jizz!

Don't let anyone tell you that Transformers is anything less than THE popcorn movie of the summer! I had so much fun and almost jumped out of my seat at least twice. Girl toys SUCK! Barbie couldn't turn into a Camaro! Bumblebee was my favorite transformer in the movie. Apparently Volkswagon wouldn't let them use the yellow bug that the original transformer toy used, because they thought the movie would be too violent. Big mistake! I just can't stop jizzing about how badass it would be to have a car who turned into a robot! BADASS JIZZ!

another kind of meat

Nick & Nora Jizz

My new favorite jizz-makers are Nick & Nora Charles! Witty, fun-loving, sophisticated purveyors of Jizz. In short, what I hope to be when I grow up. Point your mouse immediately at your trusty netflix queue and move The Thin Man to the top! You'll be unable to resist continuing on with the whole jizz-ariffic series! Oh and don't forget a special jizz for Asta, answer to every crossword puzzle in addition to being a righteously jizz-worthy doggie!

Huxtable Jizz!

I watched The Cosby Show last night. The episode where Vanessa gets drunk at a party. So funny! I jizz at Claire & Cliff's mad-parenting skillz! And that Rudy - she's full of sass! Do yourself a favor and check your local listings for a shot of Cosby Jizz! You can thank me later!

Bennett Rentz

My family's doggie died. He was a jizz-worthy dog for the 10 yrs we knew him. We will miss him! I hope there are lots of doggies for him to boss around and lots of cat poop for him to eat in doggie heaven.

Grandma's Curtains!

Christina's grandma has excellent taste in fabric. i stand by this statement so fully, i've decided to make a whole new wardrobe out of her old curtains!



60's jizz-beautiful!

another example of curtains-to-fashion wizardry:

Camp Postcards

My friend Charles has the most awesome postcard that he sent his parents from camp. It is in a little frame at his house. Everytime I am over there, I laugh and laugh, and I finally thought to transcribe it for the world to jizz at. Jizz on your roots, that's what I always say!

Dear Dad and Mom,

The Councilers are telling us that we are going
parachuting but we aren't. I might get stung by a
scorpion. Win Ted and kevin are in my cabin. My
councilers name is jon-michael and Paul. I used the
cortaid.

Love,
Charles

Frankie's Fun Park of Jizz

Skee(t) ball! Cheap ass prizes! Putt Putt! It's a jackpot of jizz, alright!

Cute Sister Jizz

Don't you wish you had a cute brown sister like mine? Even her Mii is jizz-worthy! It's the only time we got to use that skin color!

can-con tv jizz

buy a jizz, sell a jizz

ok, so i might have started watching Buy Me because one of the canadian sellers/buyers looks a bit like an old companion who will not be named here, but this show seriously rules. for those of us involved in the housing market (holler!), this show tells it how it really is between house sellers/buyers/agents/inspectors. my favorite part is trying to figure out which unnamed suburb they're talking about. as if it's not really set in canada! silly canucks, we see right through your vague ways!

Happy Happy Jizz Jizz

2 things are causing the jizz at my house this week. One is my jizz-rageous garden that is currently growing more zucchini than I can eat! It's quite phallic, isn't it?! And plumping up 2 varieties of tomato for future jizz-sauce!



In order to properly jizz about my garden, I had to buy a new camera. O Holy Jizz, it is a beaut! Shiny happy pictures of jizz-worthy events that will no doubt find their way to this blog!

Oh and BONUS JIZZ:
Cute boys who vacuum. MAJOR jizz!

EXTREME Jizz!

After months of internet-free frustration, I am jizzing wirelessly, y'all! An EXTREME wireless connection courtesy of my new Airport Extreme! Sleek, white, and covered in jizz. I wonder what the neighbors will think when they come across our wireless network which Jared has named "Base Station of Sex" . . . They'll probably just wish they knew the password!

Amazing Turtle Jizz

This video amazes me to the point of jizz. I found it on this blog while reading the story of the jizz kitten, Token, on the cover of the Ladybug Transistor record. A bizarre jizz for your hump day!

jizz in the tour van

i love it when bands come to town and we get to hang out and eat at our favorite places! jizz on me if spott's house isn't the perfect setting for the cuteness overload of a photoshoot with the ladybug transistor! unf unf jizzz.

side jizz: red beards

So Long, Jizz-well!

Goodbye, Gilmore Girls! We jizzed and cried with you for 7 yrs. We celebrated Kirk & even Taylor. We lamented the transformation of Rory to (Adulterous) Whore-y. Now, alas, what will replace this gaping, jizz-less hole in our Tuesday night TV schedule?!

cuddling up with curry in athens, then jizzing all over the fancy restaurant

oh athens, you will always hold a special place in my heart. whether it be down at the old lumber yard getting ideas for interior design and home restoration, hearing girls throw up at the 40 watt, or stuffing my face at 5 star day.. i know that my trips will always include 1 thing: dark meat. take that to mean whatever you want.

a taste of the scene (where are all the clips of my favorite restaurants?):

Spiderman 3: Reverse Jizz

Kronic and I felt that we didn't need to write a wordy list of reasons why this movie reeked so terribly. Instead we have two phrases to describe what went wrong.

Evil Bangs.

Dance Sequence.

Badly done. No jizz for you!

Plop Plop Jizz Jizz

I sing a song of Alka Seltzer. With one taste of your jizzy fizz, my wartorn stomach is soothed . . . my headache is assuaged . . . my body is again ready to take the fried apps and jaeger bombs I force upon it as often as possible. Available next to the Combos at your nearest Quickie Mart - coincidence? I think not.

Keg Beer

Alright, so this may seem incredibly sophomoric and frat boyish....but what's better than a big plastic glass full of frothy, bubbly love?
So we came back to Coochie Coochies apartment last night, only to find her neighbors were having a b-day party with a huuuge keg. I immediately started spotting and needed to cool myself down by pouring some ice cold liquid right into my gullet and down my throat. Nothing beats pumping on that handle until ounces and ounces of foamy jizz goodness comes skeetin' into your cup.

I'm suddenly embarassed with the amount of jizz I created over a simple barrel of barley pop but goddamit I love America!

I'd also like to extend a jizz hug to my two favourite mouths from the south, the ladies who jizz like I never could pray to do. I hear they were tangoing with our love/hate friend the Wild Turkey (whom one could argue is deserved of a jizz salute himself).

With that, my inner frat boy demons have been exercised.
Love, hugs, and jizz forever
xoxo

Noodle D

gelato-jizz

mmmm. nocciola (hazelnut), stracciatella (vanilla with chocolate), or caffe - MMMMMMM. scoop me up some of that! an ice cold, italian jizz right into my mouth, by way of one of those funny looking spoons:

La Fea Mas Bella

So this is a first for us. Never before have we jizzed bi-lingually!!

Through research I have found that Jizz in "spanish slang" is: Mecco

So, in regards to this post, I will say "Yo hago mecco por La Fea Mas Bella!"



This is the spanish channel novela version of Ugly Betty. Basically, Leti is the "fea" (ugly one) but is so pure in heart and character that all the hunky men on the show soon grow weak in the knees and "Hacen mecco para ella" (make jizz for her)

She is quite possibly the most awkward and at the same time adorable young lady on tv right now. Ofcourse, all of this is only possible when you've got your fluent and understanding girlfriend to translate the story line for you.

So tune into Univision and splash some love juice around. I think even this hunky Noodle has fallen for this mysteriosa.
But hurry up and watch. Unlike American soap operas, these shows actually end!

Jizz without and beyond borders or barriers. Jizz across the globe.
Yours truly,

Noodle D

"Lay Out" jizz

*Photo depicts how I look when I wear a bathing suit . . . in my dreams!

I cannot find a proper photograph of the magnificence that is my new Wal-Mart teal plastic lay out chair. Rest assured, it is a thing of beauty! Sunday was so beautiful, I broke in my soon-to-be-tanned-&-leather-like skin and my jizz-proof (the jizz wipes right off!) chair. Summer sun, something's begun, but uh-oh that summer jizz!

Oh, and gratuitous kitten jizz.

Sweet Jizz!

I first heard of Sweet Juniper from Laura's year end top 10 list. I didn't pay much attention then, because I thought it was just a blog about a freaking adorable little girl. But, after I saw Sarah Brown's link, too, I thought I should check it out! And oh my god, adorable jizz mixed with palm-itching cuteness jizz mixed with I-wish-I-were-these-people jizz = Sweet Juniper! I am crying and laughing and wishing this were a novel so I didn't feel so unable to live up to the coolness and sweetness standards these jizz-masters set!

Studio Jizz

As one of the few people I know to stand by Aaron Sorkin even though Studio 60 is admittedly not the slamdunk jizz the pilot seemed to promise, I have not lost my sense of humor about it. The below video is very funny! I found the link from The Hater. She hates on Aaron Sorkin and on Studio 60, but that is about the only thing we disagree on. Maybe she didn't watch The oh-so-jizz-worthy West Wing. Maybe she doesn't have an imaginary rabbit named Toby Ziegler. I am not afraid to jizz alone!

Rooster Jizz

On the topic of jizz-worthy sauces . . . While I worked at Lantern, I never had a real appreciation for what we called "Rooster Sauce." It was just another condiment, and I am generally not a fan of condiments. However, now I am a believer! The most hum drum leftovers are made new and exciting again with a little squirt of this magical jizz! Try it! You can jizz at me later.

James Bond, double oh JIZZ

I finally got around to watching Casino Royale. Wow. Really fun to watch and not just because of the man candy! Daniel Craig is a great Bond, and you know it must be hard to fit all of that jizz in a mankini!

the right recipe for jizzin'

thanks to the durham public library and their limited selection of cookbooks, i happened upon this book for every night cooking (something i obvs struggle with) and found the magical stir-fry recipe that i've been looking for since i moved out on my own.



secret ingredient: oyster sauce! i'm sure chinese cookbooks had told me (and my mother who never changes her recipes) over and over to go buy a bottle of this sketchy looking stuff, but tonight i finally took the plunge. and i jizzed all over the first bite. thanks for finding my match made in stir-fry heaven, bon appetit cookbook!

Coyote Jizz

Welcome, Guest Blogger, Ross from the Broken West!



My inaugural post should be about jizzing on big natties (aka big naturals), as that is one of my favorite pasttimes.

However, I just had to spray a hot, steaming load of jizz on this snuggly coyote. Normally, I hate coyotes because they eat kitty cats and I LOVE kitties.

However, one must admire this coyote's temerity and gusto. He waltzed into a Quizno's in Chicago, of all places, and curled up amongst the juice and sodas for a little nap. Oh my, the jizz is exploding at an alarming rate of speed at such an adorable animal.

Nacho Jizz

This is a companion jizz to my previous post. Sometimes, after a rough night, you just gotta jizz to the border. A bag full of skeet-covered goodness for under $5! Jizz outside the bun!

Jizz-eaters

This is what the Kronic and I smell like today. Lemon and Gin. Gin makes you smarter, and we jizz at anything that increases our brain function. Thanks Beefeaters for the jizzolutionary ideas. And the headache.

menoJIZZma

Menomena brought their funky beats to chapel hill last night and i was lucky enough to be there - given no choice but to jizz in my pants after the sax was brought out and the harmonies delivered.

sigh.